Trying to build when in recovery
A thing i've struggled with for the last while is building up my strength and stamina. My various chronic conditions seem to conspire against me on a regular basis, making habit-building difficult. I've long thought of habits as scaffolding--not the structure of my life, but the support. This time, though, i'm not even managing to get the scaffolding built. So emotionally, it's as though i'm starting over every time a migraine or bad gut day interrupts the habit-building.
The fact is, though, any habits i build these days must include these kinds of interruptions, not exclude them. I am almost never not in recovery from something; my tremor, migraines, and IBS aren't going away. Neither will my osteopenic bones get any stronger without movement! So what's necessary here is an adjustment to my thinking about the process. Since i'm nearly always recovering from something, the chronic conditions have to be wrapped in the scaffolding; i can't continue behave as though they're outside it.
So my current goal is this: Paying attention to my body's signals to determine what kind and how much movement is appropriate that day, with a minimum of 10 minutes of movement on the days when that's possible.
If i'm in too much pain, that's not a failure because i've still stopped to consider what i'm capable of in the moment. If the brain fog or tremor are bad enough to make anything vigorous a bad idea, so i march in place? Success. If insomnia has thrown off my balance, so floor yoga is the best idea? Success. If the stars align and more happens? Success.
My hope is that building the habit of paying attention first will be what helps rebuild the necessary scaffolding.
- today's tea: dunno yet
- current soundscape: the fan, and some night insects
- recently reading: The Mundane Life of a Vampire (Amy Crook)